How to Relax, Vaporize Fear and Unlock Your Heart

At the end of the iconic HBO series The Sopranos, the eponymous lead, Tony, dies off-screen in an instant. The scene just cuts to black. It’s a tragic end for a man who never learned how to relax and be present to his life.

When this moment aired live, phone calls flooded cable companies. Enraged viewers believed a service outage ruined the finale of their favorite show.

In reality, there was no outage at all. The directors made a choice to end with a sudden cut to black. It conveyed a particular point: death came to Tony without him ever realizing it.

The framing of his final moments suggests that his life was ended at the hands of an assassin. Still, none of us—Tony included—will ever know for sure.

Before his last moments, Tony filled his life with explosive, ego-fueled violence. His inner suffering drives each of these actions. Tony’s therapy sessions subtly reveal his trauma through his defenses.

In fact, the incomparable actor James Gandolfini was known to put a rock in his shoe during filming. He needed to simulate the turmoil and frustration his character lived with.

Many people, like Tony, carry a proverbial rock in their shoe. Pain resides inside, shaping our moment-to-moment reality. This discomfort doesn’t usually sit in shoes; it manifests in different parts all around the body.

Also, like Tony, people project this pain onto the world, situations, or people around them. If this never stops, they share his fate: dying without ever really having enjoyed life.

But what if I told you there’s a simple way to vaporize the tension you’re holding on to? Three simple steps—relax, open, and unfold—can transform your experience of suffering. It requires dedication, but the freedom and sense of well-being on the other side are far worth it.

1. Relax

“Relax” is often the last word anyone wants to hear in a verbal disagreement. Telling someone to relax has the opposite effect—tensions immediately flare even higher. But when you tell yourself to relax, you take responsibility for the state of your own body.

The first step is to identify where that stored pain and tension reside in the body. This pain may stem from chronic conditions—whether visible or invisible. Or, it may simply be the result of stress.

The line between physical and emotional pain is blurry, but either way, it’s important to lean into it to release it. This can feel counterproductive because, when focusing on pain, it typically intensifies. But that’s because of the thoughts and worries that accompany the tension.

If you approach your suffering with an empty, open mind, you relate to it from a neutral place of attention. Your breath is an excellent anchor for this, as is gentle, consistent sound (including binaural beats).

As your neutral awareness persists, the pain will soften and dissolve over time. The same is true for emotional pain, which causes mental disturbances. It requires the same soft, unclouded, and anchored attention.

One of the best places to start is in the neck and shoulders. When people become stressed, their shoulders rise toward their ears and hunch forward. Mindfully release that tension and allow your shoulders to fall back gently.

The change in consciousness can be immediate. Whether or not the shift is instant, stay with that relaxed posture. Observe how it impacts your overall sense of well-being.

2. Open

From this relaxed state, you’ll be able to deeply experience emotions and events around you. They become more palpable because you’re no longer resisting these sensations.

How can you tell? Go back to the places of tension and pain in your body. Tightened muscles signal the worry, rumination, or stress obscuring the present moment.

Disruptions to a peaceful, accepting awareness are inevitable. Without fail, life presents situations, circumstances, and even thoughts that make you uncomfortable.

People usually treat these as problems to solve or a source of frustration to push away. This only introduces more tension and pain into life.

The key to avoiding this is deceptively simple: stay relaxed and stay open. Don’t let anything become a lasting obstacle that obscures your inner clarity. Instead, remain open to what is happening, without resistance.

Every time you feel yourself beginning to tense up, take a moment to pause. Breathe into the discomfort, allowing it time to melt away as your muscles relax. With consistent practice, it becomes easier to let things happen without resistance.

3. Unfold

As you practice this, you come to the third and final step: unfold. To unfold means that this attitude of non-resistance becomes pervasive and continual. You simply never stop letting go when that familiar pain or discomfort arises. The more you allow things to unfold naturally, the more you will discover about them.

In relation to the world, this means that subtleties and complexities are no longer lost on you. When you approach reality from a stance of resistance, it’s hard to experience life fully. You miss out on the beauty and richness that are always present.

By embracing this unfolding, you also uncover new dimensions of your own being. Old patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior begin to dissolve.

You’re making way for new opportunities, so your true nature can start to express itself. You’ll find that your inner self is in greater harmony, as no part of you resists any other.

When unfolding is realized, the distinction between you and the world fades. The processes within and without are simply phenomena. They inevitably express themselves and change over time.

Suddenly, life’s bittersweetness becomes more apparent. Amidst suffering, there are countless small things we stop accounting for. Emotional turmoil can cause the outside world to fade from view.

If you stay centered, you can still feel your surroundings. The sun’s warmth is on your face, the breeze is against your skin, or the coolness of the ground is beneath your feet. Don’t resist pain. Experience it and remain open to the accompanying sensations.

Conclusion

Like Tony Soprano, many people live their lives blind to their inner turmoil. Their ignorance causes others to suffer. Constant cycles of repression lead to emotional neglect. Coorespondingly, they are unable to experience life meaningfully.

Fortunately, this attitude can change at any moment. Instead of holding on to tension, relax and be still. Instead of shutting down and resisting, keep relaxing. In time, your consciousness will witness the symphony unfolding within and around you.